


A guide for the aspiring mustache owner

by StrongDork



Series: Chilling in the Borderlands zine pieces [2]
Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Atlas CEO Rhys, Gen, Mustache time, Rhystache, bl3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 14:08:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30039861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrongDork/pseuds/StrongDork
Summary: AKA: Rhys' mustache care routineOriginally written as a piece for the Chilling in the Borderlands fan zine
Series: Chilling in the Borderlands zine pieces [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2209845
Kudos: 2





	A guide for the aspiring mustache owner

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you're taking notes

Since becoming the CEO of a multi million dollar company, Rhys found that he rarely had time for… well, anything. At least when he worked for Hyperion he could relax and clock out at the end of the day, whereas being a CEO was much more of a full time gig. So it really came down to the little things to keep him going, a good cup of coffee, eight sugars, to be exact. Creamer too, he’s not a savage. Bagels, the kind with sesame seeds, toasted with cream cheese and salmon. And frogurt, if asked, Rhys would tell you that a lot of Atlas’ weaponry and success was owed to these three things, that very specific trio had helped him through many a long day and even longer nights. 

But the true hero in all this? His weekly hair care routine, more specifically his weekly Mustache routine. As the CEO and head of a company one was expected to take pride in one's appearance and well, Rhys did exactly that. He took immense pride in the way he looked, his hair was always neatly coiffed and well groomed, the same went for his mustache. The latter of the two, requiring a more stringent routine, one that he was more than happy to indulge in once a week, if only because it meant he got to take a moment for himself. He could lock himself away from the world for an hour and just focus on him, which was a rarity nowadays. 

You’re probably wondering, how hard can it be to take care of facial hair, the answer is very, and additionally it only gets harder, the more disposable income you have. Luckily for you, Atlas CEO, Rhys Strongfork is here to help demonstrate just how hard it can be. 

First up, and this step is absolutely crucial. Music, you’ve gotta set the mood when having a little me time, Rhys personally enjoys listening to the melodic, velvety tones of Digby Vermouth. Ain’t nothing like some electro/Jazz fusion to get you going. 

Second on the list of two do’s is the face, it is imperative when shaving, to soften the skin before even thinking of putting a blade to it. So, draw up that sink, fill it with warm water, just tiptoeing into hot. Make sure you have a towel to hand to drape over your shoulders for this next part. When the water is just right, pull that towel up and over your head as you lean over the basin, you want to hold your face in the steam for as long as you can handle, which for Rhys; isn’t very long at all. 

When you’ve had enough, and if you’re Rhys, you’ve stopped crying from the steam, you’re ready for the razor. This is also the cut off point for anyone, not Rhys, reading this. We do not recommend you follow these steps, just trim your facial hair and get on with your day. 

And now, with the sensual sounds of sax and synth that you never knew could work quite so well together, Rhys’ Siege-stache pampering, commences as follows 

Pre shave lotion. (Origin: Aquator. RRP £159.99) A small amount is gathered on the fore and middle finger of one hand, and then applied evenly to the area around the stache to prevent aggravation to the skin. Hints of sea salt.

After letting that settle, shaving cream. (Origin: Promethea. RRP £99.99) It is important to note that yes, this shaving cream is produced by ATLAS. Rhys has sensitive skin, and he wanted a warmer smelling cream. Don’t ask. All you need to know is that it smells like mulled spice. Apply an ample amount to the cheeks, chin and neck area. 

Move on to the razor, cut-throat, apply gentle pressure. This next part is self explanatory, shave away any unwanted stubble until you reach the crown jewel, and then carve out that stache like the Michelangelo of facial hair that you are. You’ll want to refer back to the sink, splash some water onto the areas that cream has clung to before the next step. 

Before we use any more product you'll want to grab the miniature scissors and trim around the edges and catch any ̶g̶r̶e̶y̶ stray hairs. When you’re satisfied with your now meticulously trimmed mustache, it is time to move on to aftershave. 

(Origin: Eden-6. RRP £600.00) JAKOBS own. What? The family stores their gunpowder in old distillery barrels, of course they have their own aftershave. It comes in various scents, Rhys particularly enjoys the honeyed malt, far less gunpowder-ey than the others. Both hands are doused in this, cheeks sucked in and hollowed as he pats the sweet smelling liquid into freshly shaven skin, having to bite his tongue as that familiar sting kicks in. No pain, no gain… right? And there you have it, a mustache to rival Zeus himself and the beginnings of a chemical burn because Rhys is beginning to think that Wainwright has just repackaged their firearm cleaner and called it aftershave.

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda dragged Jakobs here OOP


End file.
